I guess I’m just checking in. Life is really stressful right now and I am really struggling to remember that that’s not an excuse to trap myself in nicotine jail again. My brain right now is just referencing old familiar patterns from times when I would vape to feel better and it’s suggesting that because it’s the old default.
It’s very weird to be kind of in this liminal place where I recognize what my brain is doing and why the logic is flawed and ultimately why I shouldn’t actually try nicotine… While simultaneously feeling one of the strongest draws to go buy a vape right now.
So I guess it’s time to reiterate the reality: the only reason I ever kept vaping was because I was addicted to nicotine. It did not provide stress, relief authentically it did not authentically provide any sort of mental protection. It did not give me any benefit, except feeding the nicotine addiction and keeping me trapped in the cycle. I had full-blown pneumonia and I still wanted to vape, even though I knew it could probably contribute to me dying. I know from that experience that if I don’t quit vaping and nicotine, it will be the thing that kills me and still, I feel parts of my brain, entertaining the notion.
In about two months, I have a big reunion event that I’m going to and there’s gonna be a lot of temptation to smoke cigarettes. But that is a problem for that time and I don’t need to stress myself out over it because I know that the optimal and desired outcome is that I just don’t smoke that weekend either.